How to Write Your Wedding Vows: A Step-by-Step Guide
Writing your own vows is one of the most personal things you’ll do for your wedding — and one of the most procrastinated. Here’s a framework that makes it less daunting and more genuine.
26 February 2026 · 7 min read
Start with brainstorming, not writing
Don't open a blank document and try to write poetically. Start by answering questions: When did you know they were the one? What do they do that nobody else does? What are you most excited about in your future together? What promises do you want to make? Write messy, unfiltered answers. The vows come from editing these down.
Choose your tone
Funny and heartfelt? Serious and poetic? Conversational? Your vows should sound like you — not like a greeting card. If you're naturally funny, lean into it. If you're not, don't force it. Genuine warmth always beats forced humour.
Follow a simple structure
A strong set of vows has three parts: (1) What I love about you — a specific quality, moment, or trait. (2) What you mean to me — how you've changed my life. (3) What I promise — the commitments you're making. This gives you a beginning, middle, and end without overthinking it.
Be specific, not generic
"I love your laugh" is forgettable. "I love the way you laugh so hard at your own jokes that you can't finish telling them" is memorable. Specificity is what makes vows feel personal. Use real moments, real habits, real details.
Keep it to 1–2 minutes
That's roughly 150–300 words. Shorter than you think — and that's the point. Long vows lose the audience and dilute the emotion. Say what matters, then stop.
Coordinate with your partner
You don't need to share what you've written, but agree on: approximate length, tone (both funny? both serious?), and whether you're reading from paper or memorising. Mismatched vows — one person reads 3 minutes of poetry while the other says 30 seconds — is awkward.
Practise out loud
Read your vows aloud at least 3 times. You'll catch phrases that sound good on paper but feel wrong when spoken. You'll also find where you naturally pause, where your voice catches, and where you need to slow down.
Writing prompts to get you started
If you’re staring at a blank page, start with these sentence starters. Write freely — you can edit later.
Traditional vs personal vows
You don’t have to choose one or the other. Many couples include the traditional vows (required in some ceremonies) and add personal vows on top. Ask your celebrant what’s required legally in your country:
- Australia: Legal vows are prescribed — your celebrant will guide you. Personal vows are added separately.
- UK: Church of England has set vows. Civil ceremonies allow some customisation.
- US/CA/NZ: More flexibility — most celebrants allow fully custom vows.
On the day
- Print your vows on nice card stock — not your phone. Cards look better in photos and don’t run out of battery.
- Give a copy to your celebrant as backup.
- Speak slowly. Emotion will make you rush. Pause after the big lines.
- Make eye contact. Look at your partner, not the card.
Plan the ceremony timing with our timeline builder — vows typically take 2–5 minutes within a 20–40 minute ceremony.